Two years ago, spirit in shambles, I set out to London on a solo trip. I had NEVER done anything on my own. I had always considered myself a twin-dividual. But here I was, in London, completely alone and to my surprise- I THRIVED. My goal was to spend six hours a day writing my first book. I would sightsee and then find a spot to sit down and write my heart out. I did this for almost two weeks. Somewhere in between Jack the Ripper tours, rainy days and seeing Wicked-I fell in love with London and myself. I let go of the past idea of my family unit. My family was now me and two beautiful little girls and it was perfect the way it was. I let go of the pain that I felt from walking away from the Kane Show –side note I don’t know why some of y’all think I got fired, but I want to be very clear-I left on my own accord. I left for multiple good reasons and because I know my limits, leaving was the only logical thing to do.
I digress, London was EVERYTHING. I learned my own strength. I believed in myself and I believed in my writing. What would eventually come from that trip to London was Empathy and Eyebrows: A Survivalist’s Stories on Reviving Your Spirit After Soul-crushing Sh*tstorms. Writing my first book was a dream I had since I was a little girl. A dream that I could have let go of or let die, but instead I pushed through the bull shit and drama and even used it to propel me to higher heights.
I can’t believe it’s been two years since that heartbroken girl jetsetted to London, but the woman writing this-man I am so proud of her. I know that some of you hear me on the radio or have seen me on TV so it might come as a surprise to know that for the majority of my life I have felt pretty silenced. Not anymore though. I don’t have it in me anymore to be quiet. When it comes to things that matter, I will never be quiet. I have people in my life that I don’t particularly like (certain situations will force you to spend time with people you might not vibe with) and I am dead ass serious when I tell you if they asked me how I feel about them I would tell them. I wouldn’t be disrespectful because it’s not about that, but I would tell the truth about how I feel. Being true to myself and honoring my feelings has become survival. I am so thankful for that trip to London. I tatted London on my arm as a constant reminder that that was when I found myself and to never EVER lose myself again. I stumble sometimes, that’s expected, but I always regain my footing and I am really good at checking myself.
I cannot put into words how beautiful this journey has been but I have NOT been on it alone. The letters I have gotten and the pictures that were sent… I cannot tell you enough how they have pushed, motivated, and healed me. THANK YOU!
Special shout out to the man in my life. I never imagined you. I could never have dreamed you up. My divorce was devastating, regardless of if it was right or not, it was still a failure and it hurt and I didn’t see the good that could come out of it. But then I wrote a book, and I let my spirit soar and heal… and then you walked up to me in a Chick-fil-a, while I was looking a hot damn mess, and changed my life.
You’re exactly what I deserve, I have to remind myself of that a lot because self-doubt has always been my nemesis and old habits die hard, but yes I am worthy of this kind of love. You give it so freely and so genuinely. You deserve me too King. I just want to remind you of that. You deserve all of this love.
A phoenix always rises. My therapist told me that the other day. So, although I have had my fair share of fire thrown at me, I have grown and even flourished because of it. So, if you got some more to throw at me Universe, just know my therapist told me I was a phoenix…and I will always rise. Not just because she said it, but because I believe her.
Love and Light,