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PERSPECTIVE!

First, I am so excited to chat Sunday! I have been thinking a lot about life defining moments. Moments that were so big in our lives that they shifted us, taught us new perspective, changed our belief systems etc. Sometimes it's a death or we witness a miracle or tragedy... Sometimes it's just a tough or amazing year etc. I want to know the big moments in your life. The ones that changed you and why! I will share mine too but I am so looking forward to hearing how you became who you are! THANK YOU

 

There have been so many life changing moments for me as an adult. Deciding to go to Iraq as a civilian to progress in my career at 23 years old because I was not going to roll over and accept the glass ceiling was probably my first big life changing event. I met a lot of great people, saw what our military does, met my husband, and figured out how to shatter the glass ceiling.  Getting married, having each of girls, and getting out of my comfort zone and moving to Hawaii for a year and a half were also very life changing. But the event that has most recently impacted me was finding out about my husband’s affairs and deciding to stay with him. This has been significant for many reasons. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’m not desperate or needy. In fact, I never would have thought I’d stay with a man who cheated on me once, much less cheated numerous times. But here I am - working on myself and on us. And to be honest, I see where I contributed to marital strife and regardless of what happens in the future, I will be a better version of myself. I am also not afraid of my feelings and I communicate them clearly. What has changed now is that he does too. It’s hard to know how your partner feels if he doesn’t communicate with you. I also know that no matter what, I’m number 1 in my own life. I have to do things for myself - meditate, exercise, take “me” time. These are things I hadn’t done in the past but not anymore. I can’t be a great mom, a great partner, or a great friend if I’m not taking care of myself. My perspective has completely changed. I don’t want to be the mom who isn’t taking time for herself  so she’s aggravated by her children sometimes. I don’t want to be the wife who doesn’t put her own needs first so she feels inadequate because she’s put on a few pounds. It’s not happening anymore. I now know that to be the best version of myself, I have to be a bit selfish. And I’m not sorry about it either!

Quote from Danielle on April 26, 2019, 11:31 am

There have been so many life changing moments for me as an adult. Deciding to go to Iraq as a civilian to progress in my career at 23 years old because I was not going to roll over and accept the glass ceiling was probably my first big life changing event. I met a lot of great people, saw what our military does, met my husband, and figured out how to shatter the glass ceiling.  Getting married, having each of girls, and getting out of my comfort zone and moving to Hawaii for a year and a half were also very life changing. But the event that has most recently impacted me was finding out about my husband’s affairs and deciding to stay with him. This has been significant for many reasons. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’m not desperate or needy. In fact, I never would have thought I’d stay with a man who cheated on me once, much less cheated numerous times. But here I am - working on myself and on us. And to be honest, I see where I contributed to marital strife and regardless of what happens in the future, I will be a better version of myself. I am also not afraid of my feelings and I communicate them clearly. What has changed now is that he does too. It’s hard to know how your partner feels if he doesn’t communicate with you. I also know that no matter what, I’m number 1 in my own life. I have to do things for myself - meditate, exercise, take “me” time. These are things I hadn’t done in the past but not anymore. I can’t be a great mom, a great partner, or a great friend if I’m not taking care of myself. My perspective has completely changed. I don’t want to be the mom who isn’t taking time for herself  so she’s aggravated by her children sometimes. I don’t want to be the wife who doesn’t put her own needs first so she feels inadequate because she’s put on a few pounds. It’s not happening anymore. I now know that to be the best version of myself, I have to be a bit selfish. And I’m not sorry about it either!

Girl ALL OF THIS! I too am working through infidelity ( emotional but still) I am on a very similar path. What I love most though about your post is that you are unapologetic about taking care of YOU. That's exactly how we need to be. I can imagine that Iraq was life changing. How incredible! I just loved everything about your perspective and how vocal you were about putting you first.

Marriages and relationships etc are a journey and hard! People won't always understand the decisions we make but they don't have to. Our lives are our own. I know people will judge me for staying with Jeff... but, like you, I also realized how I added to our downfall. It doesn't excuse his actions, but I'm glad I can see it from every angle. I have such a different perspective now on monogamy, infidelity etc. We grow, we shift and we learn about ourselves. Day by day. So happy to hear you on such an amazing path Danielle. Proud of you!

Hi ladies,

I feel like my divorce has given me a new perspective on sooooo many things.  Honestly I feel like I am finally coming into the best version of myself after breaking away from the toxicity of a narcissistic husband who was very much verbally and sometimes physically abusive.  I was so caught up in the abuse cycle and honestly thought that I was the crazy one.  I lost myself completely and couldn't imagine ever feeling joy or happiness again.  My divorce, although painful and messy, taught me so many things about myself.  I learned how to be alone and enjoy it.  I learned how to take care of a house and my own finances.  I learned how to start loving myself again and found my self worth again.  I learned that self care is so very important for single moms, and I learned not to care about what other moms think about my decision to feed my kids a lunchable for lunch every now and then, or some other ridiculous thing that moms seem to shame each other for.  This new version of me has allowed me to enter a relationship in a completely different way than I had with my ex-husband.  In the past, I looked for my ex-husband to take care of me and instead that turned into control.  I am with someone now who treats me as an equal and I do the same.  We are a partnership that I've never experienced before.  Because of what I went through with my past, I am able to appreciate so many little things about this relationship and I am enjoying loving him and receiving love from him as well. It hasn't been all rainbows and sunshine, but he is the most responsive partner that I have ever experienced.  Finally, because of all that I have been through and experienced with my lowest low being the divorce, I feel like I can now get through anything. Anytime something comes my way that feels like a major set back or challenge, I just remind myself that I have survived worse and I truly feel like I'm the strongest that I've ever been.