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The thing I need to get rid of!

So I know I told you guys that the big thing I need to get rid of is my father.  This might be alittle long.  I have had a hard childhood, as seeing my parents divorced when I was 10 years old.  Both parents fought over my brother and I for custody and my father won the battle.  I was told at that age that my mother was seen to be unfit in the courts eyes and that why my father received custody of my brother and I.  Don't get me wrong my father did all he could for us as children, but growing up my parents were always fighting.  As I grew into my teenage years I resented my dad for taking me away from my mother.  At 16 years old I went to court and toldnthe judge I wanted to live with my mother, and my dad and his lawyer put my on the stand and made me look like I was emotionally unstable and couldn't make this decision for myself.  I remember that day like it was yesterday and it made me hate my father for doing that to me.  On the day of my 18th birthday my mom showed up at my dad's house and helped me load up all my belongings in her truck and move me to her house, while my dad and stepmother were at work.  Once my dad came home and found me gone, he said some hurtful things and the main one was that "the only daughter he has now is my stepsister".  That hurt more then anything and I was so upset that next week I went and changed my last name to my mothers maiden name and my stepdad last name.  It was the only thing I felt at the time that wouldnhurt him like he hurt me.  We didn't speak for about a year after that, until I met my now ex husband and we got pregnant and I thought I needed to call my dad and let him know he was going to be a grandfather.  Let's just say he didn't take it very well.  My ex husband and I had a rough life and moved around a lot and very unstable but our daughter was always taken care of.  When I split with the ex husband I moved in with my father for a couple years, and he tried to be so controlling over me as a mother and my finances that I had to get out.  I finally got out of this house when I met my now fiance.  And yet again he wasn't ok with this either, threatened to take my daughter away from me because I was so unstable.  There was even a point when my daughter was 7 years old that he had her for a weekend and refused to give her back to me.  He did and said all these things in front of my daughter.  I then got pregnant with my now 4 year old and that's when they crazy really started.  Him and my step mom thought from the time she was born that there was something wrong with her, they would come up with all these syndromes she might have and give me altermatiums to get her tested for these or else.  Just crazy stuff, now my 10 year old has been in many schools since kindergarten and she now in 4th grade.  She's on AB honor roll and never has had problems adjusting.  This move to Florida is to create space from him, and we will be so much better down there.  Now he's not happy with the move and  ow starting this thing that if I don't let the 10 year oldnfinish out the school year he's going to make sure someone turns me in for being unstable and have the county take her from me.  Now the big thing with my 10 year old is her father is actually moving with us.  My fiance, my ex and I are the best of friends, and we coparent great.  It's taken years to get where we are but it works for us.  My father thinks we're crazy and there is something weird going on since we're all so close.  But the ex and I both were raised in broken homes and our parents always fighting and we wanted more for our daughter.  So, sorry it's so long....but my question is.......should I cut all ties with him once we move? Or just limit the time we associate with him?

Hey Jennifer.  First of all, you are so strong.  You have been through a lot and it sounds like you are not letting any of it destroy your spirit.  You continue to move forward, take care of your babies and open your heart to love.  That's awesome.  It definitely sounds like your dad is draining your energy and I think the move will be awesome for you guys.  He sounds like a toxic person, and although he is your dad, you don't have to put up with it.  Like Danni said last night, you can totally love some one from afar while protecting your energy, your kids' energy and your fiance's energy.  Your little family comes first and everyone else is second.  You know what's right for you and your kids and you are doing it.  Keep your head held high and trust your gut.  Once the move happens, see if the distance helps at all.  We can't control where others are on their soul journeys and some people will never change or grow or evolve.  If he still brings the drama, then at least you will have space and distance to keep it from consuming you.

Wow. Just wow. Your father sounds incredibly emotionally abusive and I’m sorry that you have had all of these things happen to you. My short answer is that no matter what, you need to distance yourself from him emotionally because he has not made it easy on you. If you have decided to put more physical distance as well, that will probably make the emotional distance easier because you can control whether or not you speak to him and if so, how often. You can hang up the phone if he steps out of line and he can’t just hop in the car and come over. And it really doesn’t matter what he thinks about your relationship with your ex. You don’t need to put weight in his opinions since he probably has a lot of negative ones that he shares with you. My mom used to be emotionally abusive to me. I say used to be because I control our conversations now and I tell her what isn’t acceptable to me and stop her dead in her tracks when she is disrespectful. I think it’s about setting your boundaries and then ensuring they’re followed.